User blog comment:Beast of burden/BioShock: Origins idea/@comment-1500935-20131206072246/@comment-1500935-20131206174500

As I said, having the protagonist saving his daughter is the same as Mario saving the princess, that's a very old narrative mechanism that doesn't surprise anymore. You want a better plot? Keep the idea of a member of Ryan's security forces, but instead of focusing on the civil war, have it be a film noir detective story about the smuggling ring.

For example, the prologue would lead to that massive battle on September 9th, 1958, ending with Fontaine's staged death. The game would then continue with the protagonist investigating several places for more evidences, like Fontaine Fisheries and the Smuggler's Hideout, or Fontaine's various "charity" works, eventually bringing more heat on him from Fontaine's last goons or Atlas' people. The more you dig in his former businesses, the more you get close to the fact that he faked his death. The story would then continue through the Civil War as a second act, where you try desperately to survive while looking for more proof, and the third act would be the escape (or an attempt to) as the protagonist comes to the realization that Ryan will eventually loose it to Atlas.

Btw, dyslexia isn't an excuse for not reading back what you wrote. Even I do mistakes when writing, but I always check twice before posting. Also writing fan fiction isn't something you do late as night. Take your time to think of it, sleepiness will not help at all.